'Empire' Recap: Cookie Fur Ever

They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and I think I just realized why: It helps you forget all the boring and useless subplots! It felt like Empire had been off the air for about 9 years and if we’re being honest with ourselves we could’ve counted on one hand how many memorable things had happened in Season 2 so far. Pretty sure there was a gorilla suit at one point, and perhaps Chris Rock played a cannibal. Oh, and Rhonda got pushed down the stairs. Other than that, you could honestly just make up anything and I’d believe you. Whereas the first season of this show exploded with memorable moments, this one’s settled into more of a routine. Family members oust each other from power, align with former rivals, resort to crime, find emotional redemption, repeat, repeat, repeat. Which is fine! It works. It’s a formula that works. Just don’t ask me to remember most of it. Just give me Cookie always and forever.

“Death Will Have His Day” was Empire’s first episode back return after many weeks off the air, and just going scene by scene it was a pleasure to watch. These actors are wonderful, and Cookie remains the most important TV character in primetime. Were there songs? You betcha. Borderline slapstick violence? Absolutely. Fur coats? Are you kidding me? Let’s talk about this episode!

We began with a woman accidentally ruining her nice marble floors while attempting to check her broken phone.

It was Rhonda! Apparently her tumble down the stairs left her feeling very not-great, at least going by the sheer amount of blood everywhere. It’s not clear when Rhonda became a human blood balloon, but the fact is, she was not looking good. Fortunately she was able to throw her iPhone at the alarm system to trigger it before passing out. Also she didn’t see who’d pushed her, only that the shadowy figure was wearing pumps with red soles (a tidbit she immediately forgot). Long story short, Rhonda was having a rough night.

But she wasn’t the only one. Everyone was still reeling from Hakeem’s betrayal and Naomi Campbell’s successful takeover of Empire (with Marisa Tomei’s help). Lucious now had his BATTLE FEDORA on, and Thirsty was pulling guns out of every pocket. Things got even worse when cops showed up to kick Lucious out of his own building. This was not going to end well.